Enters the room with a St. Nicholas-shaped chocolate. Tries removing the foil as he walks to the radiator because it's kinda cold. Checks the radiator, sees the knob turned to the maximum and it's still not warm. Realization. Moves the curtains and sees the balcony doors are still partially opened. Dumbass.
Closes the door. Goes to his bed, takes a bite of the chocolate, sits down. Starts typing this, stops. Chocolate time again. Reaches across the laptop for it but remembers he hasn't drunk water for a hot minute, takes a sip, somehow gulps it weirdly and coughs after swallowing it. Smirks and thinks to himself: "I am a genius."
Now he reaches for the chocolate. Takes a bite and thinks about how he loves when he reaches the most thicc parts of it. Realizes how many potential sex jokes these last few sentences had. OK. Lies on his hip, one of the legs touch the border of the bed whilst the other is beneath it. Readjusts. Now both are on the bed. Realizes how uncomfortable he is and how strained his left shoulder might become if he continues this way. Readjusts.
Sits. Puts one of the pillows on his back... and it slips. Fuck. Readjust. Puts it under his neck and sits Turkish style with laptop between his hips. Another sex joke. Looks at his Nicolas Cage pillow. Nice, let's do this.
Tidal is already opened in his first tab, gotta close the other unnecessary ones, misspells unnecessary (twice). Adjusts the screen. Opens Tidal, searches for Don Broco's Amazing Things, finds it and presses play.
"Gumshield" is the opener, nice, I love this song. hums "I put my gumshield in and protect me from myself! I put my gumshield in, I think I need some help!" Fuck that guitar tone is chunky gets me every time 55 seconds in. The chorus slaps too. Pa-pa-pa-paaaa pa-pa pa-pa pa-paaaa, very catchy. THIS MEDICINE HAS EVERYOOONE DAAANCING, YOU COULD BE ON IT WITH MEEE!
Breakdown time, massive drums, uuuu nice harmonization there 3:08 minutes in. Didn't even notice it and I listened to this track at least 20 times. Then again, most of those times was me wildin' on my bike while this blasted. Realizes how confusing this review will be, oh shit new track. Checks Tidal tab. Never mind it's "Manchester Super Reds Fan No.1".
Ok this pose isn't doing it. They start rapping and I'm typing on my knees on my bedsheets, another sex joke, OH YEAH BABY THIS CHORUS. Ye. Ye. Don't know the lyrics but I know those ye's. Robot man time 1:26 minutes, damn, forgot the name of the vocalist (it's Rob Damiani you dingus) but he can rap. He's no Fred Durst though so judge that as you see fit.
Also, forgot how crazy this song is... Uh oh 2:29 mark foreboding electronics, breakdown is coming.... 2:38 Skinded called, wants their number, what's happeni... ah there it is... wait that's it? Ooooh, they did a cool chorus thing into a full chorus! Clever girl. YEEE, YEEE, ULTRASONIC PEOPLE. Yeah this slaps. Still don't like football.
New song, finally checks "Swimwear Season" looks at his balcony and sees the number 3 next to the Celsius symbol on his taskbar. Not quite. pauses the song and realizes once again that this is a really poor idea for reviewing Fuck, pose not optimized... must... readjust. Lies down on his stomach, commits but knows this sucks for his hands and realizes as he types this... Pisspoor pose, thinking... Sofa? Sofa. Moves, takes phone with him.
There we go... How the hell is it 01:32 already and why am still I feeling cold? Fuck it. Resumes the song as he goes for his hoodie. Finishes the glass of water. Gotta stay hydrated.
Ooof that was clumsy 38 seconds, chorus kinda drowsy, dig it, different vocal style too. Oh 1:14 mark sexy guitar tone alert! Where's the singer (called Rob) though, second verse and no sign of him. Nice bass work snaps a tad bit of his trusty Nicholas Cage pillow. Chorus time. Thinks about how the editing process of this will go, insane typing pace so far but already thinking... Cool chorus. Thinking about how dishonest... There we go, singer (Rob) returns, kinda gay part though lmao, random string section in the back, pls don't Architects this. Not that fond of this song initially... 3:27 nice tremolo and drum build up, do it, do it! OH?... Ah potential squandered with another chorus. Ok I've gotta sit fully in my sofa and fuck that's groovy, 4:10. Pose achieved but at what cost? None you silly, this is just a stupid idea, who's gonna read this you absolute twa... new song! "Endorphins", it has the explicit sign next to it, ulala spicy.
Rapping time... Ok what in nu metal is this? HE SAID THE THING. Just kidding he just called himself a piece of shit. Same bro hehe. Dig the song though. I got dOoOlphins running through my veins, I got a dolphin keeping me awake. Hahaha, I am so funny sometimes... but only to me. Oh shit they heard me because he just said "Yeah right yeah right yeah right". Sorry guys. Anyhow... aaand the verse is over, chorus time. Ok when this is playing 2:42 I just wanted to say sorry for this because in my head, this sounded a lot better and more organized. I'll find a way to make this fun and not look like a man who's completely lost it (mission failed we'll get 'em next time).
Aaand he just sung "I'm just pathetic" thanks bro hahaha. BREAKDOWN TIME. Solid one too but noticing the similarity... and they ended it, OK nice I liked that... UUUH "ONE TRUE PRINCE".
Story time. Was scrolling the YouTubez and this popped up in my recommended tab. Saw SharpTone's name under it and I had to check it. Good call because this is very Deftonesian and Loathe-like in its tone and chunkyness... 1:53 Huge "Minerva" vibes here, love that.
Shit, got lost in my thoughts again (no way bro) anyhow sings "IT'S OKAAY!" Ok focus, fuck. Chocolate time.
Trust me, this whole situation is so far from tense but there's a war of thoughts in my head currently and the chaos ain't sto... OH SHIT JUST NOTICED. A whole new non-video section played as I typed this hahaha. Harkens back to "Space Oddity" me thinks.
But yeah, I committed to this and by gods will I finish it. 3:46 love the production here. Song ogre, next one is:
"Anaheim"? Isn't that a city in America? Maybe this will sound like "Come Out To LA"?
Not quite because I hear some mElAnCHolic electronica, another song that's opened by drummer... oh nice lick 36 seconds Lyrics are corny but get the job done. Gods middle school me would've loved this... nah that's a lie, I was so cringe back then and I would probably deem this as too "gay" and "electronic". That said, singer (named Rob you fool) is back and so far this has been the most minimalist track. Also shocked how Wix hasn't fucked me over yet, he (has a will of his own sometimes, I promise!) tends to not be able to save which he does often and seeing how fickle the internet can be, this is a rare stroke of luck (this seemingly improved since writing this). Perhaps it's for the better 2:45 interesting... another orchestral-like touch with the percussions. NICE synth work 3:25 and bass, really pleased how they utilize these instruments, always had.
6344 characters already lmaaooo (even more post-editing), tell me again me (yes?), how was this a good idea again? (It wasn't you dummy and you even addressed this on multiple occasions)
Song over, next one checks "Uber". Sorry guys but I prefer WALKING and BIKING. Not sure why I caps locked there but yeah, I never payed for an Uber nor suggested it as option and I take strange pride in that. Anyhow, this was the last single I listened to. Not too shabby, dig the electronics and how fucking weighty it is in the tone department but the rapping left me feeling lukewarm, especially when 35 seconds this part comes in, OK that was nice timing. Anyhow, as you've noticed, I am attempting to write down everything... RIFF RIFF RIFF, DAFUQ ARE WE DOING bobs head ... everything... 1:26 hahaha forgot about this part. He even says: "Tell me more" which I am trying to just now but alas muh brain. Anyhowhow, writing every thought I have currently is impossible and even in this hums "STATE OF THE UNION!" deeply formatted state it's too much. Perhaps I am too much? No, not going there. That said, the main riff for this is simplicity at it's finest. Chunky, effective and very catchy, breakdown is sexy too, love those few crash hits 2:59.
Song is ending, next up iiis... "How Are You Done With Existing?" I dunno man you tell me hahaha. Yet another electronica-driven opener but the singing sounds so sappy, don't like it, too much even for me. Damiani sings Devastation on my mind?
Bruh, devastation is my mind, just look at this abortion I wrote haha. Ok let's get back to it. Nice lil' beat 1:12, they get you thinking that this will be a classic 808 but it has weird upstroke timing. Is that a term even? OH drums are in I repea... nevermind 2:25 "Blowing up your phone is wonderful." Sure is chief, if only most of us weren't pussies and did that. Oho, solo time.
Noice. Haven't checked my phone in a minute, wonder why continues viciously typing.
I have so much editing to do (lies), gonna start writing like this. Expansive, build up but nothing, nice drones, not giving up part cool, everything is audible, this has grower potential and acts as a nice palette cleanser. Thought another song was in but that was just a nice lil' steel-y guitar outro.
Oh no, piano and vocals open things up on... "Bruce Willis". Ok that made me laugh and I am back to whatever approach I've created. Noice.
Another batch of electronic layers barge in, uh weird groove. OH YEAH WHAT THE FUCK LET'S GO 39 seconds Hilarious how these guys overpower a lot of death metal with their heaviness. Oh my god they are actually saying Yippee-kay-yay in the chorus, so dumb but I love it. Not fond of the vocals when... *1:45* this works and sounds better than most of Limp Bizkit and I unironically like them... could write a piece about them. Unless?
Woah 808 beat for a mere second, that was nice. Breakdown is nasty but considering the song is already heavy, the heft is lost. That said, why the hell did they go with that type of intro. Makes no sense (yes it does, it's sudden, random and funny), okay another one. "Revenge Body", more like... nope have nothing, Remembered Spencer Sotello for a split second when I heard this 0:27 but this is better (pretentious claim from someone who started this year by listening... what's that? Veil Of Maya and Periphery? Interesting). Tasty chorus, really digging the album honestly, might be impossible to... Tom Morello called and wants his... never mind Mars Volta 1:09 vocal moment, utter chaos BUT they had this effect on their previous record as well which I find dope.
And no I shan't fuck with yer baby lad...(referencing the chorus) Damn this is catchy sings Always in the gyyyym... Damn I haven't worked out since August, no time... Ok that's bullshit, sure you bike every day and have legs of steel but you gotta give some attention to the arms man. Anyhow, noice breakdown, almost every track has it, eh at least they're honest with themselves hahaha. Shit, have to pour some water, nah will do later, too busy FURIOUSLY TYPING! No idea why I caps locked there number 2... fuck this is gonna be such a shit review, might can it honestly (no you won't), random hum GGGGYYYM! Somebooody uga buga... ok now I am just taking the piss.
"Bad 4 Ur Health", almost there checks 9582 words in 37 minutes, if only this was possible when I try hard.
Another fillery-sounding track but is cooler than "Swimwear Season" and "Anaheim", honestly forgot... 1:13 caught me off guard, dope chorus and they're back in the... bro this sounds like Arctic Monkey's AM, really not a fan of that, it's their worst album but here it works because of the extra tnnt tntntnnt effect and the drums are quite the groover. OH YEAH WE BACK, bob those heads motherfuckers! UH, love when drummers do this 2:45 crash smack. Yo this is such a cool track, digging the effects A LOT. Groove OP tho. Chocolate.
Last tra... last breakdown hahaha, nice. Never mind we got some 40-ish seconds to go, expect a calm outro.... there it is, beach season-sounding, imagine going to the beach in UK lmao, those poor dudes.
OK last one "Easter Sunday", please don't be a sad ballad type affair... Promising, nice riff there, they really like dem electronics and muffles effects don't they. Can't blame them, worked thus far, then again, I've been typing so much I could've missed some things (you did). Is this what astral projecting feels like? OK dumb joke... also, a lot ok's were written here (not gonna count them). Do I have an OK problem? Annie am I OK (totally will count them), am I.... moron. 1:47 issa bridge and it's coo', not feeling the finality but then again, why have it... 2:15 Ok (number 19 and counting) that sounds like it could be the last track on the album (had no idea at the time as I was typing so much that I haven't checked the other tab). Nice start-stop, no Vildhjarta but moments like these gives Don Broco all the character they have aaand we're done! 11810 words in 46 minutes, my guy! Let's edit this!
OK (another one) done. So, how was this whole thing for ya? Yeah I know, unsure if brilliant or a disaster... probably both... probably just a disaster but it's MY disaster damn it! If you've somehow managed to reach this point, I salute you and... that's about it really. No presents, just a tap on the back and a unique reading experience. The album turned out quite good and its number 20 spot on my top 20 (numerical synchronicity innit?) says it all. Don Broco are really good at making heavy and really accessible music. Similar to newer Bring Me The Horizon but much less "teeny" and dramatic, as well as more colorful. The record itself grew on me and while I am still not fond of certain moments, mainly those really sappy sections, Amazing Things is really damn fun and even more refreshing. The mainstream rock space desperately needs something like this so I hope they really break through there.
Sooo yeah, this was the review. 10/10 would do again!
Amazing Things was released through SharpTone Records on October 22nd of 2021.
For more visit their: